Solo Dolo

Lately I've been feeling my happiest when alone. I dont want to feel this way and sometimes I feel as if I'm abandoning my boyfriend but I just want to be left alone. A part of me feels like he'll eventually get tired of my cold shoulder, but another part of me feels like he won't even notice. :-(


Why am I distant from my significant other? Damned if i know. But ....smh sometimes I get annoyed when we speak on the phone. When I'm near him i adore him, but when we go days without seeing each other I get super annoyed. Just his voice coming through my phone annoys me to the core sometimes. Why do I feel  like that?

And little things he does, or doesn't do are beginning to urk me but he is the most kindest and faithful  guy that ive ever been with so what is the problem?  Is it that I'm beginning to feel as if I'am settling?

I don't feel as if I'm settling but little stuff like taking your girlfriend out or suprising her....those moments are rare. Outings happen, what.....once every other month? All he's into is staying home and talking about what he wants us to do.......he doesn't follow through.



I mean i love him and i know relationships are not about going out and spending money but.....staying home gets kinda old too. Am i weird people? I mean girls like to be spoiled here and there. Does that make me a gold digger? Ive been in relationships before and going out was standard but if i say that to my  boyfriend I feel like i'd be slapping him in the face and challenging his manhood. He does not get it. I hope i don't get bored of  him. I feel so bad.



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Nextttttt Chapter!

*sigh* Im just at a point where I'm ready for college to be over and done with. Its getting old and I'm so ready to start my career. Its taking far too long and I'm getting far too old for this. I mean if we were to rewind to me at 19 and have me predict where I would be at 2*cough* this would not where I would see myself. I mean at this age I wouldnt have minded being married and three years deep into my career. I could possibly be contemplating a child within the next two years and probably have an apartment with my honey....but I guess things never work out the way we want them to.

Thats the funny thing about life tho. Things are always unexpected and to get to where we need to be its like we are always forced to take a hard road. Sometimes I stop and compare my life to that of my successful friends and I just cant help but to wonder where the hell I went wrong.

Its also funny because once you get one aspect of your life in order then another part of your life goes haywire. Right now my love life is pretty much in tact which is great but this no career thing is killer. I wish there cud be a point in my life where I'm in love and I'm where I want to be financially. That would be so awesome, but with the way things are looking so bleak right now that seems like just a dream.

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Moving on?

Guys I'm so scared to get into a relationship but I think I finally found the one.... I mean he was always around the whole time. I feel like I've throughly enjoyed my summer and I'm ready for some stability. I did the whole single thing and being liberated its cool and all but it gets boring after a while. Sick of kissing so many frogs and I'm tired of letting one person break my heart over anddd over. In september I finally start student teaching and what is hopefully my last semester in school. I just finally want to be happy (since I've literally been fighting hapiness).

What i fear the most is for my new relationship to fail because it would really put me in a tough position but I guess thats the chance people take with love......it may not always work. I'm over the whole love thing but if I dont take this gamble then I think I will always wonder "what if".

Im not jumping into anything as yet but the mere fact that I'm even contemplating settling down again is major.

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Baby you summer time fine

Loving my summer. Its about to go :-(

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Poor Girl....By Maya Angelou

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The end?

"Lately, have I told you I love you? "

What if tomorrow is not promised, what if I don't see the light if tomorrow?

Can I really and truly say that I've lived?

Go hard or go home, love hard or don't love at all, give any and everything 100%.......a change is gonna come.

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Thinking

Some times I feel so alone in all of my thoughts but in this place I find solace, quiet, and I fear nothing except those thoughts.

Do I let these thoughts consume me and over rule me? Its hard not to when there are certain questions embedded in me and that won't go away.

So here I sit, my thoughts and all waiting for that second shoe to hit the floor.

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Bye

Good bye Ohio state booski.....was nice to finally meet a decent guy, even if only for a week.

:-(  he gave me his sweater guys....so sad!

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Guess I'll see you next life time...

Blog family, you ever think you met the right person but at the wrong point in your lives?

I met A guy through my best friend and he's ambitious, plays football, wants to be a teacher like I do, nice build, awesome personality, but there's one problem.....

He lives in Ohio on campus and I live in NY....I can't win for losing. Smdh.

The past week I've been spending whatever time I had with him before he goes away but damn...this can't be it! What a cruel joke that life is playing on me.

Damn.

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Get it right, Get it tight

So I'm working on getting abs and this ish is harder than it seems. This is a recent picture I took. I mean this is the only place I could think of to post progress besides Facebook so blogger it is. How I plan to make progress ....hmm

Well first off I gym at least 2 times a week but my eating habits need improvement. I usually sleep which means I think it's ok to eat at all hours if the night...no Bueno.

The changes i want to make are as follows :

No eating less than an hour before bed.

up my water intake.

No fast food (only allowed snack wraps from McDonalds)

Any type of rice being eaten I can only eat a fist portion.

Stay away from fried foods.

I'm trying to build a healthier me, hopefully I have the will power to get my summer body.



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I hate social networks :-(

You know that moment in time you happen to come across/stalk your ex boyfriends Facebook page and you realized they've moved on... That's a stab in the chest.

And its painful not even because you want them back but because they moved on before you did when they made your relationship so difficult.

I mean when you see happy pictures and such of him and his new lady you can't help but to wonder "where did I go wrong?" Why didn't I match up to this person? 

But I click X. And get off the page... I gotta move on with my life, this is ridiculous.



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Illuminate

Sometimes things can look so bleak, sometimes life  throws you curve balls, but it gets better right? At some point in time I will notice the sun shine.

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Snowboarding Boyeeeeee!

I'm going snowboarding this weekend and I can't wait!!! I'm so excited! I know i'm wrong but i'm about to search you tube for pranks to do on my best friend....lmao! she better not be irrational and try to fall asleep b4 me.

Besides that hope everyone is doing well, sorry my post is dry i'm phone b blogging.

Toddles loves!



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Don't

Baby Dont Give Me Those Words Of Affection Without Using  Some Discretion. Dont tell me im your world only to turn around and say the same to another girl. Dont build up my hopes and dreams only to knock them down with no hesitancy. Dont tell me your feelings are growing strong because my gut says you are all wrong. Dont look into my eyes, connect to my soul, get into my stream, dont do those things.

Dont rub me down,  dont kiss right there...i think you see me playing it off like i dont care. Ignore my moans, yes doesnt mean go but o....that big O.

Baby you dont know what you do to me, now im caught up, dont set me free.

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My Birthday!!!!

So February 9th Was My 18th Bday *cough*

My Girlfriends Cracked Me Up And Got Me A Cake In The Shape Of My Kindle Touch. My Kindle Is Where I Get All My Information From That Which Relates To Men So I Can Preach At My Girlfriends. I LOVEEE My Self Help Books About Men.

As A Joke They Gave Me A Cake Kindle With Advice For Me. Too Funny!

Random Blahs

Sometimes i feel like being the "good girl" type isnt all its cracked up 2b, especially in my age range (early 20's). Most guys my age are too concerned with miss right here/right now, which is fine but im not that type of girl. So then wat happens to girls like me? We get bypassed, pushed aside, or put on pause by some guy who loves us (the wifey type) but doesnt wanna commit yet. feel like to be cool or to get a guy interested in me nowdays then i have to step away from my morals and conform into a girl who will do nething to keep a man's attention....because they ARE simply looking 4 a gurl who is sexually uninhibited.....and if i cant stop being shy, quiet, reserved or apprehensive then 4 men its onto the next one in regards 2 me. Im not the "wham bam thank u maam" type of girl so that makes me uptight, prissy, and too much work for a man who can just flash a wad of cash or who can whisper sweet nothings in a womans ear 2 get wat he wants. Do i have to dress scantily, or be the girl in the middle of the dance floor with my legs in the air in order to be the ultimate catch? Well scusssssssse me for having classss!

This rant was brought to you by shirley's discontent for dog ass, selfish ass, simple ass, dick controlled ass, spoiled ass, pop seeking ass, blind ass, and dumb ass men..... (-:

Back to ur regularly scheduled programing.

Does Size Really Matter

So the age old question of if size really matters.....hmmmmm.....my opinion.....uh if ur physically deficient sure its alrite and yea it shuuuuuud be all about the motion in the ocean but hey its the real world....i mean seriously.

Wat say you ladies ......u met this swell guy, u click on many levels, u vibe, u jones, u connect....finally u decide 2  express ur love 4 each other and u find out ya soon 2 be lova is only as big as a lil piggy in a blanket or a damn canned vienna sausage. Do u take the L and hope love conquers all or do u give him  a crummy excuse and "suddenly" disappear?

And no havent met nebody,  since that  bastard :-( cuz i dont wanna settle for ne  tom, dick, or joe

but i only pose this question 2b random....i didnt figure out my ex (the one who took my viginity) was less than average till i met my boyfriends after him ( id never seen a males private part in person till i was 19)....as shallow as it sounds if i met him (my 1st) after my other ex's i might have laughed in his face. But im curious about u guys....wud it not be an issue and have u ever been with a tiny man who went above and beyond to show you that tiny tim is just as relevant as big mac?

Also another random: if im a guy with a smaller than average part....wud i know if i was less than average? How wud  i know i was lacking if nobody told me?

Till next time peeps,

Love, Live Life

Untitled

So i told him leave me alone, told him we cant be friends cuz i love him 2 much. I hope i never have 2 see or hear him ne more but i dont live in a perfect world.

U cant be friends with ur ex when u still love him. Even after all the shit he put  me through, i still do... which is why ive finally cut him outta my life. I dont need ne friends like him, cuz friends dont run over ur heart with a bus.

Im good, i dont wanna be ur fuggin crutch ne more....u gotta walk on ur own and stop trying to pop up randomly in my life. You wanted to go, get gone cuz i dont want ur ass ne more.

Ping Pong

Stop playing ping pong with my most prized posession....im sick of u pulling my heart in that direction

One second you're here, the next you're not...the hoping, the longing, how can i make it stop...

Days have turned to nights, barren dead areas of the winter have sprung back 2 life and still it doesnt shame me to say i want it 2b like it was back in the day.

Unbreak my heart, fix my restless soul..say u never meant 2 let go....

Gimme back my smile, take back the night you said goodbye, tell me it pains u 2 see me cry.

Undo the day u met me, let me have spent the past 2 years lonely, wish i never knew wat it was 2 have u hold me, console me, be your one and only.

Up Out My Face Nucca

I hate g. Like if theres one thing i hate its g. So the other nite i met this guy....i dont know why but i give these randoms the time of day because im bored (and cuz in my mind im gonna  toss the number and ignore the sucka ne ways).

So i give this guy my number...i dunno just to see  if i still got it (pow!)...but im starting to realize maybeeee i shouldnt give out my number if my intentions are not to speak to these guys on a long term basis (and its really not, as weird as it sounds its just to remind myself "yea ur not an unattractive person but u just choose to be alone").

But anyways i digressed... i gave this guy my number and within an hour he texted me, within 2 hours he called me and i told him id call him back...when i was  done eating...within an hour of that he texted me. He didnt even give it the standard 24 hours guys have to give b4 calling a girl! Mkay apparently i pull the crazies.

So i was bored in skool the day after i met him and i wanted to test his crazy so i texted him to see where his head was.

Me: so wats up

Him: nuthin layin down bout to get sum breakfast. So wat u doing later wanna catch dinner and a movie?

Me: uhhhh no i have skool all day till 9pm

Him: yo i wanna make u wifey 4 real. I swear i'll treat u rite 

Me: err uhhhh lol u funny (In my head: nigga please!). So wat do u do?

Him: rite now training to be in the nypd gonna get my gun license soon

Me: o

Him: I need a wife tho something serious you look like wifey type tho das if u let me wife u up I got a lot planed in my life to work hard and make goals

Me: so y u single?

Him: I was in and out of something I was wit shawty for 2 years but I'm not goin back she's not serious and I aint gone lie I wasnt wit her cause she wasnt with it

i Wan it to be serious well I was at 1st but she young she's 18 turn 19  and I'm 23 like who's mature? Like well I was she was on her childish shit so

Well theres alot more of him buttering me up but this is a phone post so im getting lazy, wat u think guys? psycho azz or good azz g?