June 29, 2012

Real Friends....or Really Fake Friends?

You guys ever have a friend that you love to hate? It doesn't make any sense I KNOW but I was seriously going through that with two of my best friends.

I'm the type of person where I don't like to be around negative people....I need uplifting and positive spirits near because i love to laugh and I'm super goofy/geeky etc. My two best girlfriends though have been getting on my nerves something serious.

As you guys know I'm single and I can say I have been for a year (my two month long distance relationship with this guy I knew for but a week before he left doesn't count). Anywho as a single gal I can honestly say I fuck up (excuse my french) but I do. I just do dumb stuff and put myself in the weirdest predicaments. Throughout all my fuck ups my friends know about everything, which I now realize isn't the smartest thing. It's like my friends no longer respect me or think that I'm level headed because I'm single and I'm enjoying it to its full potential.

I tell my friends I read relationship books.....  They think I'm a dumbass
I tell my friends I like such and such guy.....He's not good enough
I tell my friends I went out on a date with x, y, z....They tell me good luck sarcastically
I tell my friends I 'm not perming my hair.....They say I'll never get a man if  I walk around with no relaxer in my head.

It's like I'm so tired of it. I know their intentions for me are good but lately me and my friends have been butting heads.  I'm starting to think with negative friends like them then why the hell do I need enemies. And their negative remarks aren't just tied to my love life it goes to my financial situation, my job,  how I do my hair, what clothes I have on my back. I honestly feel like I have two female boyfriends  that are trying to run my life.

I ask for advice because I need opinions not because I'm some ditzy girl who doesn't know what the world is about.

The best thing I figure I can do now is not tell them ANYTHING about my love life because for some reason it's leading them to believe that they can run my entire life.

How about you guys, have you ever felt like dumping your friends? How did you make it through the hurdle?

*Sigh* I Just want to be happy and anything that takes away from that can go .....males and females included.

June 24, 2012

WHAT IF.....

What If........

  • What if he and I stayed together?

  • What if i never stepped out on that guy?

  • What if i continued with nursing?

  • What If i open my heart to him and lose him?

  • What if cancer never existed?

  • What if I never fell in love?

  • What if I had a little sister?

  • What If I want to have a child before I'm 30?

  • What if I was the girl they never expected me to be?

  • What if I took it there?

  • What if I say goodbye completely?

  • What if I never find prince charming?

  • What if being a teacher doesn't work out?

  • What if I never heal this pain inside?
I've come to the point in my life where the trivial things no longer matter. Ever since I was a freshman in college I couldn't wait to graduate and finally be somebody and make something of myself......fast foward a couple of years and I still didn't graduate.

A part of me felt like a loser because it's taking me forever to make it down this long road, but now I feel like I'm finally making progress down this long ass road. I also realized NOW that for all these years I've been ungrateful. I was so concerned about graduating because I wanted an expensive ass car, pay that surpassed minimum wage, and clothing.

These are the ONLY reasons why I cared to graduate...Oh yea and making my parents happy.

But now that I've stopped being so petty I'm opening up my eyes and I'm realizing that I should thank God for what I do have....

  • A roof over my head
  • A car (not an expensive ass one, but gets me from point A to point B)
  • Friends/Family
  • A job that brings in some type of income (not everybody can find one of those lately)
Just food for thought peeps, be happy with what you do have because it could always be worse. Don't compare yourself to anyone else either, just keep doing you.