October 28, 2009

When Im Lovin U...Y Wud U Wanna Break Up?

I Have No Words...I Don't Understand Life On A Whole Right Now. I Feel Like An Empty Shell Walking The Streets. Im Hurt......I Don't Know How Many Times I Said This Phrase Within The Past 2 Days But IM HURT. He Left Me, Said He Couldn't Handle The Fights And Now I Have To Deal With The Empty Lonely Nights. I Don't Know What To Do, Where To Go Or Who To Turn To.

He Broke Up With Me Before ....2 Months Ago....."Tell Me What To Change" I Asked Him...."Stay The Same" He Said. I Tried To Love Him....I Took All My Guards Down When I Took Him Back...Now Im Left ....Empty, Confused, Used, Overwhelmed With So Many Emotions. I Never Knew I Was So Emotional...When I Think About Moving Onto The Next Man I'm Nauseous...It Makes Me Want To Hurl Thinking About Investing Another 2 Years In My Life To Someone Who May Leave Me. NO ANOTHER MAN Isn't Even A Thought. So Many TEARS....So Much Pain And As I Type This I Sit Here Thinking Why Did I Lie To Myself? Why Did I Let It Carry On For So Long? Wasn't I Good Enough? Ur Leaving Me Because You Find Me Annoying?

Well What If We Spent More Than Once A Week Together.....What If You Asked Me What I Did Today....What If You Spent Time With Me Instead Of Clubbing Or Going To Weekend Outings With The Homies....What If You Held Me And Told Me How Much You Appreciated Me In Your Life.....What If You Took The Time To Make Me Smile Like I Tried To Do For You....What If You Took The Time To Know Me....What If You Came To My House To Just Watch A Flick With Me More Than Once Out Of The 2 Years I've Known You....WHAT IF YOU DID THOSE THINGS....

A Breakup Is Sick...We Go Through Many Cycles...One Second Im Fine And The Next Im On The Bed Curled Into A Ball, He's All I've Known....He Was My World.

I Know That I Will Get Over This Hurdle...But For Right Now Emotions Have The Best Of Me. He Told Me Maybe I Wasn't The Man He Needed And He May Have Been Right, But My Heart Refuses To Let Me Realize I Deserved Better. Relationships Are A Two Way Street And I Was In It Alone.

October 16, 2009

How Much Is Too Much

Sure As A Woman I Will Sit Here And Say "Yeah I Want My Boyfriend To Be As Honest With Me As Possible".....But Ladies How Much Honesty Is Too Damn Much?

There Was One Fellow Blogger's Post That I Read And It Stated "Honesty Breeds Trust" But How Real Is That Saying? Like If Ur Too Honest And Told Me You Slept With My Cuzin (For Example) There Is No Trust In Hell That Is Going To Come From That (Maybe A Black Eye Or Something) But NO TRUST. The Only Way I Agree With That Quote Is Depending On How Bad What You Lied About Is.....For Example, If You Were Out Sleeping Around On Me Etc. And Suddenly Felt Guilty ....I'm Sorry Ur Better Off Taking That Ish To The Grave Because Otherwise I'm Putting You In A Grave!

The Other Day My Significant Other Wowed Me And Got Really Deep And Started Confessing Somethings To Me....I Mean They Weren't Major Things But When You Hear Your Mans Skeletons Falling Out The Closet Its Kool But At The Same Time No Bueno.

Why Is It No Bueno?

Well First Off You Revealing Stuff To Me Only Leads Me To Wonder Like Hmm If You Keep This On The Downlow ...What The Hell Else Are You Hiding?

Why Is It Kool?

In My Mind I Feel Like If You Are A Filthy Man Then Why Would You Put Yourself Out There And Make Your G/f Paranoid By Sharing Stuff With Her? If You Have Nothing To Hide Why Not Just Get Your Past Off Your Chest? Which Is Why I'm Kinda Digging My B/f Now.

For Some Odd Reason When He Revealed His Lil Tidbits (Which Weren't Earth Shattering) I Couldn't Help But To Love Him Harder Than Before....Now Why Is That......

I Couldn't Say But At That Moment, In That Instance Of Him Bearing His Soul, I Somehow Felt We Connected. I Felt Like He Was Human, And He Wasn't Sugarcoating Anything....I Liked That. Basically He Shared And I Shared ...It Was A Freeing Experience. (Again We Had No Outrageous Confessions But The Whole Convo Was Really Nice).

The Part That Caught Me Was When I Asked Him:
Why Wud You Tell Me These Things? What If I Couldn't Handle It?

And He Said "Because I Love You And If You Leave It's Something I Have To Deal With, And I Feel You Should Know The Truth."

In That Millisecond I Related With That Quote...Honesty Does Breed Trust And Now I Do Feel Like He's 100 Percent Real With Me.....I Mean I DEADASS Will Never Put ANYTHING Past ANYBODY...PERIOD...But I Do Trust This Guy And My Heart Is Alot Calmer With Him Than It Ever Has Been.

October 11, 2009

Got Shoesss

Well I'm On A Quest To Get My Grown Woman Status On Soooooo I Went And Got Some Shoes. I Have To Say At First Glance I Fell In Love With The Shoes But Now (The Day After) I'm Having Regrets....I Think They Could Be A Little Better And I Keep Wondering What I Even Saw In Them....Lol Its Kinda Like Having A Boyfriend And Seeing The "Real Side" And Now I'm Thinking What Did I Get Myself Into....lol. Anywho I Guess I Will Deal With It.....They Are Just Ugly To Me Now...Was I Drunk When I Picked These Out? I Dunnnno...Hmmmmmmmmmm

October 09, 2009

I'm Not A Little Girl!!!

This Is A Mini Vent I Guess...Why The Hell Do People Feel I'm 17 Years Old Based On Looks? Please Tell Me Cuz I Could Have Sworn I Was A Grown Ass Woman.

So The Other Day I'm Dealing With A Customer At Work And I Ask Him For ID To Purchase His Alcoholic Beverage And What Not....So This Ignorant Muther Fudger Says "Well How Old Are You?" (What Do You Mean How Old Am I ....This Is Not A Conversation...This Is A Nigga Gimmie Ur ID Please And Thank you). Lol I Mean As Tempted As I Was I Didn't Say That But I Was Pretty Close. So (Getting Worked Up) He's Like " Well I'm Forty Years Old!" In My Head I'm Thinking Save The Story For Oprah And STFU!

So I Proceed To Explain To Him In My Most Angelic Voice, With A Smile On My Face "Well Sir It's Store Policy....You Could Be 90 And On Ur Death Bed I Still Need ID". This Guy Keeps Hassling Me About My Age Talking About " Oh Well You Don't Look A Day Over 17" And I Respond "Well Sorry To Inform You But I'm 18 And Then Some.... So I Think I May Be Able To Sell You Alcohol But Thanx For Checking With Me *Fake Laugh*". Eventually The Prick Yanked Out His ID And Kept It Moving But He Left Me Offended.

Like What Is It? Did I Miss The Class On How To Look Like A Young Adult 101? Mind You It's Not The First Time I Got The "You Look 17 " Comment. I Mean At Times I'm Flattered Cuz I Haven't Been 17 For X, Y, Z Years (Which I Won't Disclose...lol) But Damn Can I Not Be Approached By 16 Year Old Boys And Being Asked By Customers At My Job (When I Work Late Nights) "Shouldn't You Be Home For School Tomorrow?" It's Exhausting....I Guess I Cud Try The Whole Stay Away From Sneakers Bit To See How Things Will Pan Out, However I Don't Know. I Think The Issue Is More From The Neck Up....But If That's The Case How Do I Fix It?!?

Stepping Up My Grown Woman Shoe Game Is Definitely On The Agenda...lol.....That May Not Solve The Problem But At least I Will Gain Some Banging Shoes In The Process.

October 05, 2009

Dear Summer

Dear Summer...I'm Not Gonna Miss You, Your Warm Breeze, You Can Get Gone From Me.
Dear Summer..I'm Not Gonna Miss The Drama You Brought, The Tears That I've Lost, Or The Short Nights That Seemed Eternally Long.
Dear Summer...I'm Not Gonna Miss The Mass Amount Of Heat You Brought Surrounding, Confining, And Suffocating Me
Dear Summer I'm Not Gonna Miss The Fact That You Reared Your Ugly Head Once Again, Only To Leave Like You Always Did
Dear Summer...I'm Not Gonna Sweat The Short Time We Had Cuz Honestly You Weren't Even The Best I Ever Had...So Guess What ....Summer Of 09
You Can Kiss My Ass