Really though, lately I've been feeling like the world's biggest b*tch. How do whorish guys look themselves in the mirror. Mkay so this is my summer of freedom, my summer of independence, my summer as an adult, etc. This summer I don't want to be tied down to no Tom, Dick, or John.
But you know what urks me when you tell people you love being single, or that you hate the idea of being tied down....they automatically assume you are:
a. psychotic or b. some type of ho
I'm over the whole boyfriend crap, I don't want to exert the energy it takes to tell someone what makes me happy....I'M OVER IT! Here's an example: Being in a relationship is like teaching a baby how to walk. Eventually a baby has to walk and mommy or daddy has to help them to do so but I don't want to be mommy or daddy right now. I don't want to teach a baby how to walk as of this second!!!!!!! (What I mean is I don't want to teach a man how to love me, for those of you who aren't following my example).
Being in a new relationship requires time, patience, effort on both sides, the willingness to actually want to tie yourself up to somebody.....I mean the list goes on and on....it's a list that I'm not down for.
Sometimes I blame my ex for making me this monster but whatever I went through with him I thank him wholeheartedly for. I learned not to be naive and not to put anything past ANYBODY. It's a dog eat dog world out there so keep those legs closed and those eyes open when looking for someone to settle down with. Fortunately I'm not looking for someone to settle down with....lol....no but really. Being in what I was helped me to see that men NEVER settle. A man will have no job, no cell phone, or no apartment of his own but will still deny a girl who wears glasses, has no ass, and no hair.
Men have standards and are assholes so you know what ladies, sometimes it's only fair that we flip the script. Get picky ladies! What did you say honey? You graduated with a GED?........NEXT! Sweetheart you said you believe that only a woman should cook?.....BYE!!!!! Wait did you just say the last book you read was in highschool?.....Really tho? Dueces!
STANDARDS: Get YOU some!
All in all I believe it is essential for people to be alone especially when they have baggage....and believe me I have BAGGAGE! I got carry on baggage, suitcases, totes, purses, backpacks....lol alll of it. I have issues that need to be dealt with and until I tackle those demons I don't think I can every be faithful or serious with someone. Please believe I can jump into something with someone now but if I don't learn to value myself as well as that person then its pointless because I will cheat. People cheat when they are unhappy. I'm unhappy right now and to put myself in a situation with someone would only cause them harm....but hey I'm the bad guy right? I hate when people feel like its taking too long for me to get over a breakup .....don't tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing. Matters of the heart are delicate and if I want to take 5 years to get my sh*t together then I'm gonna do just that. If a man can't wait for me to completely heal or thinks I'm taking too long to make him my man then he should move on....cuz I'm loving me right now and I've never done that.
For years I've searched for validation from others......men in particular. RIght now its crazy but I'm in love with myself. I think I'm gorgeous (never did before), I believe I need to treat myself as opposed to wasting my money on a man (always used to). I'm learning to be INDEPENDENT. I need this time....call me the "bad guy" if you must but I'll be "bad" if it means I get to love myself.