December 27, 2014

They Think I'm Unattractive Because of My Natural Hair

I have a group of three women that I'am best friends with. We have been friends for 5+ years. One woman is relaxed and wears short styled pixie cuts, another always wears weaves (real hair isn't even past shoulder length), and the third is natural (with "good" textured hair). The two relaxed girls alwayssss pick on me and my natural friend. Apparently they have issues with us because we don't have bone straight hair or frequent the hair salon like them. They are slightly rougher on me because my hair is a lot more coarser than our natural friend. I have 4b hair and my natural friend has 3c/4a hair. At one point during our friendship, about 3 years ago, I was going through a breakup and decided to go natural. They tore into me (the two relaxed ladies). They told me I looked like sh*t, and I needed to get a relaxer. I was told I'd never be able to get a man, and that I was dumb for letting myself go after the breakup. I eventually ended up texlaxing my hair to help with manageability, but my real hair is always in a bun/protective style 100% of the time anyway. They also thought my texlaxed hair was nappy, but I didn't give a damn.

Fast forward to Christmas of this year...Somehow we got into it about hair. My natural haired friend straightened her hair for the holidays and the relaxed girls were LOVING it. I chimed in and told my natural haired friend that straight hair was cool, but her natural hair was also beautiful. The other two turned on me. They told me to be quiet with my brillo pad hair. They also told me to stop being cheap and to treat my hair once in a while because my hair is my beauty. I told them that there is more to me than just my hair, and they got a kick out of that. The argument got heated and one relaxed haired girl said her short hair would look way better than mine no matter how long my hair was because I'm too cheap to get my hair done. In reality, I'm not cheap and I choose to do my own hair (which never looks bone straight like theirs). The same relaxed girl also told me that she could mop the floor with my "nappy" hair.

At this point I'm over this group of friends (with the exception of the natural one). They are so judgmental and critical of everything in relation to my appearance/relationships/financial situation. I do have a boyfriend now, and I do wear a natural puff at times (he hasn't left me yet.. lol). I think these ladies are toxic and I'm tired of being the butt of jokes about "nappy" hair. I'm a grown woman in her upper 20's, I should be able to rock whatever I want without being ostracized for it. I know friends are supposed to keep things all the way real with you, but my "nappy" hair is the real me....I can't change that (God played a part in that one). Am I taking things personal? Are friends supposed to tell you your hair is too "nappy"? I'm about ready to kick these friends to the curb for 2015 am I being dramatic? I don't believe real friends are supposed to make you feel crappy and bully you just because you don't look like them.  If you look back into my past posts you will see that I referred to these friends as my frienemies. I'm tired of having friends that secretly hate me and go for my juggular whenever they get the chance. With friends like them who needs enemies....damn. The bottom line is that ALL natural hair is beautiful, its sad that they don't see that.


Ms. King said...

Your hair is beautiful. Your "friends" probably secretly hate the fact that you are more confident than them by wearing your natural hair. If they were confident in their own skin, they wouldn't pick on you to cover their own insecurities. I say keep doing you, I wish I was as confident as some to wear my natural hair out. When I see a natural girl out it makes me smile because I know how hard it can be to just forget what others think and wear what you like. So kudos to you and keep letting your confidence shine through :)

KLP said...

Tell them BYE and keep it moving girl. I think that your hair is gorgeous!

KLP @ SavingOurStrands

S Jones Aka Shirley said...

@ Ms. King Thanks for the kind words! I agree I think its funny that I've never seen their natural texture ...whenever they see new growth they run to the salon. lol. Yes, and being natural is tough because you are always on defense mode (sadly it's the people closest to you that say the most hurtful things). I completely respect those who have big chopped/proudly rocking their fully natural hair. I'm not even 100 percent natural and I feel the backlash....smh.

@KLP yesss my thoughts exactly Thank you for the compliment, glad people are understanding my point of view.