June 28, 2010

Ooo ooo oooooo I Got A New Attitude

Mkay So Over The Past Couple of Weeks I've Been Over The Hills And Through It All. My Whole Mentality (Thanx To That Bastard Who Left Me...{You'll Get Yours Nucca}...) Has Changed....Part Of It For The Better But The Other Part Not So Much.

I Would Hate To Be The Bitter, Angry, Black Woman Scorned...But Hey Men Make Us That Way. I Mean I'm Not Completely Scorned And Curse Everything With A Penis But For Right Now I'm Over Them And The Whole Ambiance Of Being Goo Goo Gaa Gaa In Love.

Basically #1 Right Now Is Me....My Main Focus Is My Health, My Studies, My Family, Friends, And The Rest Are Just Excess Baggage. Honestly The Breakup Has Made Me Stronger And More Dependent On Me For My Happiness....Sure There Are Days That Are Worse Than Others But I Just Have To Remember That Man Wasn't For Me, The Pain He Was Causing Me....I Didn't Deserve It, The Games Were Not For Me, And The Person He's Going To Become Was Never Going To Match The Person I'm Planning To Become. How Could I Have Expected Someone To Love Me When I Didn't Even Know Me...I Didn't Know What Made Me Tick, Happy, Or Sad. I Didn't Know What I Didn't Want In A Man Because I Figured "Shit If I Dont Like Him, I'll Mold Him" (Um Wronnnnnnngo).

You See People I Was And Still Am An Incomplete Person...I Was Never In Touch With Myself And I Was A Moron So I Took Another Moron Serious (My Ex) Not Realizing We Both Had Some Growing Up To Do. So Now That I'm Maturing And Opening My Eyes To EVERYTHING...I'm Realizing That The Boy I Was With Wasn't Even On My Level And All He Was Doing Was Pulling Me Down. I Thought He Was My "Soulmate" Because My Mindstate Was Still Immature And Young...I Didn't Know Me.

You Want Proof? Fall Semester While I Was With Him (And He Was Starting To Fuck Up...Yea We All Know The Signs Of When Men Start Fucking Up) My Gpa Ended Up A 2.5....Lowest It's Ever Been And Not One Of My Greatest Accomplishments. This Spring Semester With Him Out Of The Picture My Gpa Jumped Up To A 3.5.....Can We Say Hyped? Yea I Was Extremely Happy.....I Dunno It Just Proved To Me That I Can Be A Success Without Him Or Any Other Man To Make Me Complete...It Made Me Feel Like A Grown Woman....Finally.

I Wasn't The Prettiest Girl He Knew, I Didn't Have The Phattest Ass, I Don't Look Like A Top Model Everytime I Step Out The Mother Effin Door.....

But I Was A Good Girl, I Had Potential, And I Loved Him Hard.......I Have Self Worth, And Maybe Not Today, But One Day Somebody Will Think I'm Pretty Cool....Till Then I'm Having Fun Just Loving Me....Flaws And All....Unconditionally.......I Love That Girl.

1 comment:

Ashli Brooke said...

I completely understand where ur coming from. Been here 3 too many times. It sucks and is SOO hard at first but keep God first and stay prayed up and he will fill that void I guarantee!
The losers always give us signs early on showing us that they're losers but we're so head-over-hills that we dnt pay attention...anyway,
keep your head up!!