August 18, 2013

You Are Stupid Being You

As of lately I've been feeling like the world is out to get me. Here's the thing....ever since I could remember I took on the role of "the shy kid/the quiet kid". You know the type, I was the student who was a pleasure to have in class because I was invisible and smart. I hated that shy label but it's had a hold on me for my entire life. Even into adulthood you'd think I'd grow some vertebra back there, but nope. Negative.
As an adult i don't think this being shy thing is cute anymore because I KNOW it is putting me at a disadvantage now that I'm being thrown into the real adult world. A part of me knows that I need to join some sort of club or organization that would help me to come out of my shell a lil bit. I've taken speech in college, I've done group work, and I've even worked retail! What gives? I feel like i need a course in socialization 101. Why am i like this?
I dunno i feel like deep down inside I hold back from new people because i fear what they might think of me if i were unfiltered. I just don't want people to judge me by what i do or say...which is ironic because that's inevitable. We are humans and I've come to realize we are judgmental as all f*ck. The only way people wouldn't judge you is if you were dead and even then while you lay in the coffin I'm sure some smug mutherfudger would have something to say about something. Moral of the story is I have to learn to loosen up. I should say what I want, and do what I want with no regrets because I might very well die tomorrow. I realized that I won't be everyones idea of "normal"but its important that I gain respect...and the only way I can do that is by opening up.

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